Trying times...

Well, I've thought about this long and hard for a while. I've struggled with do I share this, or keep it quiet? Will it encourage others, or bring criticism our way? I'm not doing this for pity, but more for my own piece of mind as I process the ups and downs of this road I am on. And frankly, while living out my Faith, I want to be as authentic as possible. No more hiding behind the smile, with the all too often lie of "Everything is fine" slipping from my lips.That being said....here goes!

Within the last several months we received a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. Which in many ways was both upsetting and comforting. We finally had a diagnosis that made sense based on the ups and downs we had seen in the behavior and attitudes. The constant push/pull of life being all good or all bad, no middle ground at all, and when it was bad; there was no recollection that it had ever been good.

Having dealt with multiple hospitalizations in the last year for self harm, suicide idealizations, and aggression towards me mostly, we are back in another temporary facility. Two facilities that do the DBT(dialectical behavior therapy) have denied us admittance (we are appealing the last one). It has been proven that this therapy works for BPD patients. We are praying for her to be accepted into this program so she doesn't become a statistic of being a former foster kid who ends up unemployed, homeless or in jail. 

While we came into this adoption fully aware that these kids have baggage that we don't always know about, we weren't naive in believing that everything would be perfect! Heck our own Bio kids aren't perfect! We just didn't see this coming in terms of she had been with us (adopted time was 4 years), but in dealing with her past trauma, she peeled back layers of "stuff". In some ways I wish we could go back to the sweet young teen that came to us 4 years ago, she was happy to be a part of a family, would laugh and giggle with us. Sadly, right now she is trapped inside the almost adult body of a young woman who feels helpless in life.

Getting Started

After reading several blogs of friends, I guess it's time to take that leap it give it a try. Don't expect some massive amount of wisdom, as you will be very disappointed. This will likely just be tid bits of my life as it unfolds in the time to come. As it is life I am sure there will be ups and downs, so feel free to take the entire journey with me, or pop in and out as you wish. No harm, no foul.

Life in the last month has been interesting to say the least. My love reported for duty; and we stood and waved the buses off as they pulled out of the Military parking lot. It feels at times like he's been gone ages and that we should be prepping for his return, when in reality he really hasn't been gone all that long. I have struggled with getting my sleep cycle sorted, as is always the case when he leaves, only this time it is taking alot longer.

We have gone through a tremendous amount of change in just the last 2 years, we uprooted our family to a new location, chose to adopt a teenager (so now we have 3 teenagers in the family), had one graduate and get her drivers license, and now face another military deployment. As you can imagine our road to happiness has a few pot holes in it, but no matter what we stick together and get through it. No one ever said it would be easy, and as a military BRAT all I can say is it is alot different now than it was then, but this too shall pass.